A Word To the Wise - Buried in Paperwork

I have been so busy transferring accounts etc. that I have had no time to blog. I really thought that everything would be easier than it has been. I thought naively that since we were joint in just about everything that the transitions would be smooth.

It took over a month to get the death certificate. For all the criticisms of government, the absolute easiest was Social Security. Vanguard was a breeze as they have a special team that handles transfers after a death. An actual human being calls and walks you through what they will send and what to sign where and then when the papers come they are highlighted for signatures etc. I know that we could/should have done a trust to simplify things but Norm really didn't want to be bothered and I certainly wasn't going to do it once he was ill.

I thought that utilities would just switch to my name since we have been in this house since 1974 but no, new accounts had to be made. PGE was the exception there, as a courtesy to old customers I was allowed to keep our same account number.

I could go on and on with this but you get the drift.

The Help

I don't know how many of you have read " the Help" by Kathryn Stockett. It's mainly a "woman's" book, set in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960's. I thoroughly enjoyed it because even though we were poor we did have "help".

A lady named Geneva who had worked for my Memphis cousins was moving to St. Louis where I lived with my mother and grandmother. My grandmother hired her to do housecleaning and ironing ( remember everything was ironed in those days) and some babysitting because I remember being under Geneva's care at times.

One quite cool morning I was in front of our apartment playing and Geneva yelled down to me to come get a sweater. " No, No, Geneva, I'm not cold" . She called again and again. Finally, I went over to the window and Geneva dropped a sweater to me from our 2nd floor apt and I put it on. It felt so warm and nice and I felt the security and protection of someone that has stayed with me my whole life.

As I've said before , my grandmother,Mimi, loved putting people together. She got Geneva so many jobs that she didn't have time to work for us.

Geneva worked her whole life. I last saw her in 1993, when she was still working at around age 70.

Opposites Attract??

I think if you are married or to be PC with a SO, you are almost bound to be with someone the opposite of you in so many ways. Early bird- night owl, always hot- always cold, always early- always late, order-helter skelter, quiet- loud, fill gas tank at half empty- drive into the gas station on fumes, scientific- arty,toothpaste bottom squeezer- top squeezer, neatnik- messy, collector- disposer. Some people can even handle being of opposite political parties, religions, races. I guess you just have to chalk it up to the Mystery of it All.

March Madness - Taxes and Tourney

Just like the weather, Norm and I always went round and round in March. I always wanted to get the taxes done ASAP because we always got money back and he always wanted to be in the car in the line at the post office on April 15th. When we were first married, I was kind of amused when we had to drive our taxes to St. Paul. Needless to say this amusement ebbed over the years.My anxiety grew because he wouldn't let me help but put it off until the last possible moment. He always liked to be organizing the paperwork while listening to the Masters golf tournament. ( Did I happen to mention that our lives revolved around sports?) More on these opposing forces later.

The other March excitement is, of course, the NCAA basketball tournament. It is my favorite sporting event of the year. We organized many pools and filled in many charts over the years and actually had one of the worst fights of our marriage over the bracket. Doesn't everyone fight about the NCAA bracket? Of course, this year I wish I could fight with him about it and drive with him to the post office on April 15th.

Norm's Jokes

Before I tell this story, if any readers recall any jokes or stories of Norm, I would love to hear them. My email is nomarmuilenburg@frontier.com

When we were raising the kids and money was tight, I always tried to be economical and get my money's worth out of things so, I would take the small pieces of soap leftovers to the kitchen and use them to wash my hands. I always had several small pieces in the soap dish. One day, I was trying to get lather from this one piece of soap and it just would not lather. On further inspection, I realized that it was a piece of CHEESE that Norm had put in my soap dish. He could not even remember when he had put it there, so he was just biding his time before I finally discovered it. We laughed about this many times over the years.

The New Year

The middle of February was always the start of the New Year for Norm because that was when pitchers and catchers reported to spring training. He was happy because there was baseball news everyday in the newspaper and on TV.

We were lucky enough last year to go to Arizona and visit the Nealys who are Minnesota friends who have a place in Mesa. I am so grateful to them for having us and driving long distances three days in a row so that Norm could see his beloved Dodgers.

Olio

On Wed. morning after Norm passed away, I awoke to the sound of him moaning. I was amazed but found it not upsetting. Then Fri. morning, I awoke to him calling my name. Again, not upsetting. I spoke of this to quite a few friends at his service and found that many people have had this experience. Again, the mystery of it all!

Does anyone who was at Norm's service remember the title of the poem by Henry Van Dyke? I gave my copy to Tom, the Kaiser chaplain.

The Oregonian gives free small obituaries but would anyone believe that Norm's obituary and photo appearing just one day would be more expensive than his cremation? Again, the mystery of it all.